Chronicles of Charyl

When I pleaded and bargained before Him for the recovery of Tatay in the ICU, where is God’s love in that un-granted plea? W hen I asked him why He took Tatay at such a surprising time, where is God’s love in His silence? When I asked Him to at least confirm to me the truth of the resurrection, where is God’s love in His pursed lips? Yet somehow, in the turn of events, and in the voice of the biblical heroes of faith, I am compelled to believe and declare that God’s love is weaved in through these moments; That when I feel extremely unheeded, some droplets of answers are slowly filling my heart, although unnoticeable at first. There are no answers, at least in the way I want them to; but these heroes of faith declare trust, NOT answers. They pleaded too. They cried too. They bargained too. But in the end, they yielded to the utter helplessness of reason before the ever-wise God. It was not that their pleas were un-granted. It was not that their cries were unheeded, Not even when thei

Why do you leave me with questions? Questions after questions after questions…. The asking is as un-filling as the answers, As though pouring water on a holed cauldron. How can I believe? And yet, how can I not believe? How can unhappy dreams and painful reality marry, Making the past never again to be retrieved? One night, that sharp razor came to slice my heart; It came the night next, and treaded the old wound’s path again. Am I to blame then should I choose not to lie down Lest I die, drowned in tears and searing pain? What a dark, dark path this is! Darker than the darkest of nights perhaps, Deeper than the deepest Mariana’s ocean…. How can I then stop asking, with sighs and gasps? Were I to plead for what-ifs and could-have-beens, The pain, the wound, still wouldn’t mend… Much less the thought of future hope, a mere flicker, A leap of faith to unknown’s end. How many more sighs? How many more tears? How many more groans of surrender Uttered b

I visited this town called Grief sometime back, and well, it was the sort of place one never wishes to have been to. Surprisingly, however, I met a lot of people there. Some I knew, some acquaintances, the rest strangers. It was a place I never thought I would have the resources to travel to, but I got there anyway. It was my father who brought me into such a town. Why do I always have to make it all about me? Ok! No, actually, he brought our whole family there. Normally, I would be the first one to be excitedly announcing these sorts of travels, the adventurous that I am. Yet this particular trip had been the most unwelcome so far. Incidentally, the frequent-traveler me had finally found a place not to go to. The very first place we lodged in was called Hospital Hotel. Could you imagine that? Have you ever heard of such a hotel weirdly named as that: “Hospital”? Oh well, it kind of got me into thinking I might probably encounter a lot of weird-named people there too. I was

“How could you do this to me?! Why now?! Why him?!”, I lamented, as my tears ferociously fell down straight from my crumpled heart that not even Niagara Falls could match up with. I was perhaps the most stricken creature that day, as my body was curled at the feet of my best friend, almost kissing them, while my arms are wound around her ankles. It seems as though my tears were washing the very ground she was standing on. I held her tightly, as I pleaded and implored that she gives him back to me. “Please…. Please…. ” I was inconsolable as I held on to her, and pleaded with every strength I have. I must have been a pitiful sight, one which my temperament couldn’t swallow. Yet I didn’t care. All I cared about was for my best friend to heed and attend to my pleas. “Did you ever forget that I just lent him to you?”, she softly said when I became silent after a while of weeping. She always speaks in that tone that sometimes I almost couldn’t hear her. As she

You dark and heavy clouds hovering over me, why have you come near though unwelcome you may be? You poured down rain, and shook this earthen vessel, and softened the hardened clay, and crumbled what used to be well. If I could grab you in full and throw you the farthest I know, that, I would readily do with all my strength in tow. Oh, how you torment me, not just by days or hours, but by every eye-blink, as each teardrop becomes a downpour. Now, I am also blind and numb as you choke me unceasingly. Will I die in this darkness? What have you done to me? What a cruel companion you are! Will I ever come to believe as said they that only in you can I be someone what the Lord wants me to be? ~LCA/07March2011