Change is a Challenge
Change! Change! Challenge!
Moving in to a new place to stay was kind of exciting for me - first because of the new scene, then because of the new things to do, and because of the refreshment it brings. I've been staying with my aunt's family for most of my years in the city, since I was a student, and now that I'm working. And so when they transferred to their newly-built house, I was naturally invited in (yeah, shamefully, for my part, i admit.).
But when I finally settled in the room of my cousin, (because the room that Auntie prepared for me wasn't finished yet) things then start to sink in to me: Things have changed! And it was at that point that fear suddenly took hold of my heart.
I questioned my direction. Surely, I said to myself, I won't be living with them for the rest of my life, so, where am I really going? What would I do with my life when it would be time for me to move myself? Can I still go back to where I came from? And where would I be staying in the future?
I also questioned my relationships. Surely, as I move, I would still be meeting people, can I really get along with them? How about my family, what will happen to them when I move away from them, perhaps? Will I still feel close to them as time passes by? Who will be the people who would stay with me until I get old?
And then I questioned my years. How long will I be staying in my workplace now? What will I end up with after all this time? What will happen when I become well-advanced in years, or simply put, when I get old?
It still took a long time to debrief myself that those concerns are still a long way off, and that they simply manifest my worrying nature. (Ah! What worry I went through! :c ) But when God helped me to simplify things, by looking at my present condition, I did see that I will really face changes, sooner or later. He helped me by giving me some little changes in my own life: I would be pursuing an upper level of education; I started doing things my own way; and I was discovering things about myself that I do and don't like. He helped me understand that life is fleeting, people come and go, a person comes as a baby, and leave as an old person, and be gone forever. And He helped me to realize that holding on things I really can't even touch are useless. It will just give me wrinkles, and it will never make me happy. And so starting from those thoughts, I said, yes, change is inevitable, but it is also challenging and exciting! I might as well make that step of faith little by little, knowing that the Lord will not abandon me.
True, someday, I'll be leading my own life, going where I want to, doing what I want to do, and that would be exciting! But I also realized, what's real and more important is the present, and the now, and no matter how anxious or excited I could be for the future to come, I still have no hold of it. Life, after all, is a day to day basis, and so I must live it, one day at a time.
After all those musings, it was just comforting to get back to the basic: "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in all the earth. (Psalm 46:10)"
Moving in to a new place to stay was kind of exciting for me - first because of the new scene, then because of the new things to do, and because of the refreshment it brings. I've been staying with my aunt's family for most of my years in the city, since I was a student, and now that I'm working. And so when they transferred to their newly-built house, I was naturally invited in (yeah, shamefully, for my part, i admit.).
But when I finally settled in the room of my cousin, (because the room that Auntie prepared for me wasn't finished yet) things then start to sink in to me: Things have changed! And it was at that point that fear suddenly took hold of my heart.
I questioned my direction. Surely, I said to myself, I won't be living with them for the rest of my life, so, where am I really going? What would I do with my life when it would be time for me to move myself? Can I still go back to where I came from? And where would I be staying in the future?
I also questioned my relationships. Surely, as I move, I would still be meeting people, can I really get along with them? How about my family, what will happen to them when I move away from them, perhaps? Will I still feel close to them as time passes by? Who will be the people who would stay with me until I get old?
And then I questioned my years. How long will I be staying in my workplace now? What will I end up with after all this time? What will happen when I become well-advanced in years, or simply put, when I get old?
It still took a long time to debrief myself that those concerns are still a long way off, and that they simply manifest my worrying nature. (Ah! What worry I went through! :c ) But when God helped me to simplify things, by looking at my present condition, I did see that I will really face changes, sooner or later. He helped me by giving me some little changes in my own life: I would be pursuing an upper level of education; I started doing things my own way; and I was discovering things about myself that I do and don't like. He helped me understand that life is fleeting, people come and go, a person comes as a baby, and leave as an old person, and be gone forever. And He helped me to realize that holding on things I really can't even touch are useless. It will just give me wrinkles, and it will never make me happy. And so starting from those thoughts, I said, yes, change is inevitable, but it is also challenging and exciting! I might as well make that step of faith little by little, knowing that the Lord will not abandon me.
True, someday, I'll be leading my own life, going where I want to, doing what I want to do, and that would be exciting! But I also realized, what's real and more important is the present, and the now, and no matter how anxious or excited I could be for the future to come, I still have no hold of it. Life, after all, is a day to day basis, and so I must live it, one day at a time.
After all those musings, it was just comforting to get back to the basic: "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in all the earth. (Psalm 46:10)"
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