Left-out Dilemma
Is there anything wrong with me?
That’s really a painful question to ask, but I also realized it could be humbling. One humbling moment of my life came one day when the people whom I expected would bring me along with them left me. Ok fine (so in frustration I asked myself), so is there really anything wrong with me?
I suddenly realized I was hurt by what they did. I asked, is it about me, or perhaps I’ve done that made them decide not to include me? But hey, where had all my “I’m special in God’s eyes” thoughts go??? And that was when I saw that I had been misled by my own thoughts. How did I ever come to the conclusion that they left me because they don’t like me if I haven’t even asked them why? How did I ever think of them that way when it was still the first time it happened with us? And how could I afford to doubt what they think of me when considering the time we’ve spent together, they’ve been honest and good-hearted people?
And so that’s why it was a humbling experience, because I then realized pride has crept in my heart, without my knowledge, and that one act of “seeming rejection” exposed such a wrong attitude, and brought me down (“forcefully”, I’d say!). The thought of wanting to be “in” or to “belong” has once again clouded my view, and yes, taking them out of the way was a painful ordeal. I didn’t want to recognize it at first, but the more I escape it, the more it became evident. And so here I am, on my way, retracing my steps to my forgiving Savior, and asking for a brand new chance to live the life honorable in HIS sight.
In answer to my question, God lovingly reminded me that even if people would truly turn their backs on me, He never will. “I will not leave you nor forsake you,” He said. And again, I am back to that step 1, that the reason of my life, the meaning of my existence, is God alone. And so I would only seek for His approval, and nothing more. :)
That’s really a painful question to ask, but I also realized it could be humbling. One humbling moment of my life came one day when the people whom I expected would bring me along with them left me. Ok fine (so in frustration I asked myself), so is there really anything wrong with me?
I suddenly realized I was hurt by what they did. I asked, is it about me, or perhaps I’ve done that made them decide not to include me? But hey, where had all my “I’m special in God’s eyes” thoughts go??? And that was when I saw that I had been misled by my own thoughts. How did I ever come to the conclusion that they left me because they don’t like me if I haven’t even asked them why? How did I ever think of them that way when it was still the first time it happened with us? And how could I afford to doubt what they think of me when considering the time we’ve spent together, they’ve been honest and good-hearted people?
And so that’s why it was a humbling experience, because I then realized pride has crept in my heart, without my knowledge, and that one act of “seeming rejection” exposed such a wrong attitude, and brought me down (“forcefully”, I’d say!). The thought of wanting to be “in” or to “belong” has once again clouded my view, and yes, taking them out of the way was a painful ordeal. I didn’t want to recognize it at first, but the more I escape it, the more it became evident. And so here I am, on my way, retracing my steps to my forgiving Savior, and asking for a brand new chance to live the life honorable in HIS sight.
In answer to my question, God lovingly reminded me that even if people would truly turn their backs on me, He never will. “I will not leave you nor forsake you,” He said. And again, I am back to that step 1, that the reason of my life, the meaning of my existence, is God alone. And so I would only seek for His approval, and nothing more. :)
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