Where is it?
Waaaaah!!! I lost my ballpen case!!! I was frantically searching through my bag last night to look for that gray box, where my truly prized pens are kept, but I just can’t find it! How can I afford to lose it, or even not mind about it! No! I just can’t accept that it’s nowhere in my sight!
I know this may sound crazy to anyone, because I guess nobody else in this world existed to share my passion for pens. But if you lost something you truly value, whatever it is, I know you could relate with me.
My pens are the extension of my being me. I use them to express my thoughts. I use them to plot my daily, monthly or to-do schedules. I use them to underscore striking thoughts in my own readings. I use them to calculate my bi-monthly allowance. I use them to take down notes every time I listen to somebody speak. I use them to write personal notes to valued people. And my list could just go on!
So you could just imagine my uncontainable joy when my friend texted me this morning that she has found what I was looking for, and I could just get it from her! Oh, if I could only jump for joy right there and then, but of course, being inside the PUJ restrained me! It is truly a different feeling when you found exactly what you’ve lost! Thank God!
But there is still another thing I would want to find. It was triggered by this Bible study I attended last night. The topic was on Jesus as the bread of life in the book of John. The facilitator mentioned that “life” is not the breathing, eating, working or living that I know all along. There is this different life that Jesus offers, and He offers it to anyone who would “partake” (or abide, it’s more appropriate) of Him. If you have this life, then you are truly alive! It is definitely something beyond this earthly existence. I could not even define what it is – yet, I hope. Then the striking question came, “are you alive?”
I think it was an infinite speechlessness I experienced. “Oo nga noh, am I alive?” But I can’t answer it, so I boldly asked the next question to myself, “where is my life?” Unfortunately, I also can’t answer it. I just started to cry deep in my heart. Why? What is this life Jesus talks about? Have I received it already when I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior? I grieve at the possibility of still not having it. Where is it?
Perhaps, I’m just looking for that joy or beautiful feeling when a person knows that he already belongs to God? I don’t know. But somehow, that question still stirs me.
Uhm, I am still searching for that zest, yes, that uncontainable joy I felt when my ballpen case was finally found. But on the other hand, somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart, a still, small voice is assuring me I don’t have to worry because I will definitely get there. I will. But for this time, the searching would have to be enough.
“Thank you Lord, still!”
I know this may sound crazy to anyone, because I guess nobody else in this world existed to share my passion for pens. But if you lost something you truly value, whatever it is, I know you could relate with me.
My pens are the extension of my being me. I use them to express my thoughts. I use them to plot my daily, monthly or to-do schedules. I use them to underscore striking thoughts in my own readings. I use them to calculate my bi-monthly allowance. I use them to take down notes every time I listen to somebody speak. I use them to write personal notes to valued people. And my list could just go on!
So you could just imagine my uncontainable joy when my friend texted me this morning that she has found what I was looking for, and I could just get it from her! Oh, if I could only jump for joy right there and then, but of course, being inside the PUJ restrained me! It is truly a different feeling when you found exactly what you’ve lost! Thank God!
But there is still another thing I would want to find. It was triggered by this Bible study I attended last night. The topic was on Jesus as the bread of life in the book of John. The facilitator mentioned that “life” is not the breathing, eating, working or living that I know all along. There is this different life that Jesus offers, and He offers it to anyone who would “partake” (or abide, it’s more appropriate) of Him. If you have this life, then you are truly alive! It is definitely something beyond this earthly existence. I could not even define what it is – yet, I hope. Then the striking question came, “are you alive?”
I think it was an infinite speechlessness I experienced. “Oo nga noh, am I alive?” But I can’t answer it, so I boldly asked the next question to myself, “where is my life?” Unfortunately, I also can’t answer it. I just started to cry deep in my heart. Why? What is this life Jesus talks about? Have I received it already when I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior? I grieve at the possibility of still not having it. Where is it?
Perhaps, I’m just looking for that joy or beautiful feeling when a person knows that he already belongs to God? I don’t know. But somehow, that question still stirs me.
Uhm, I am still searching for that zest, yes, that uncontainable joy I felt when my ballpen case was finally found. But on the other hand, somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart, a still, small voice is assuring me I don’t have to worry because I will definitely get there. I will. But for this time, the searching would have to be enough.
“Thank you Lord, still!”
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