DIARY OF THE LOVED ONE
I visited this town called Grief sometime back, and well, it was the sort of place one never wishes to have been to. Surprisingly, however, I met a lot of people there. Some I knew, some acquaintances, the rest strangers. It was a place I never thought I would have the resources to travel to, but I got there anyway.
It was my father who brought me into such a town. Why do I always have to make it all about me? Ok! No, actually, he brought our whole family there. Normally, I would be the first one to be excitedly announcing these sorts of travels, the adventurous that I am. Yet this particular trip had been the most unwelcome so far. Incidentally, the frequent-traveler me had finally found a place not to go to.
The very first place we lodged in was called Hospital Hotel. Could you imagine that? Have you ever heard of such a hotel weirdly named as that: “Hospital”? Oh well, it kind of got me into thinking I might probably encounter a lot of weird-named people there too. I was not mistaken.
I didn’t really want to stay in that hotel, but somehow, I stayed because the whole family was there. Why would I be an exemption? My father, in particular, needed to lodge there. So there we stayed. In two days’ time we packed up, because we needed to move to our new location. Well, I really wasn’t a bit interested to tour around the place, so leaving there was something like consolation. However, I did meet a few worth-mentioning people.
I met a vendor there named Miss Tears. I said, why? She said, well, I’m selling tears. I said, who would ever buy them? Well, she said, practically everyone who leaves this hotel. Sometimes, she added, she doesn’t really sell them at all, she just gives them for free. “Here, I’ll give you one bite-size,” she offered. I said, no thanks. When she insisted, and said I would need much of it in their town, for protection (she said it in a whisper), I took her offer. But when I ate it, ewww! It was the saltiest delicacy I have ever eaten! If I was not brought up in politeness, I would have vomited it out in front of her. Well, actually, turned out Miss Tears was being prophetic.
Eventually, I came to learn that what Miss Tears gave me was the kind that pierces your heart and drain it with blood. If I only knew, I wouldn’t have eaten it! Until now, these tears have become my tag-along companion.
I also met Mr. Money there. Oh! He was the most insensitive man alive! I mean that honestly! I guess he never senses anybody’s emotions as long as you get to pay your lodging fee. Yes, he was taking charge of the hotel. Mr. Money’s bushy mustache and stocky belly had been intimidating to me. He was talking a lot while counting the bills I handed him, but none of his words ever reached me. I’m not sure if he realized it though.
Meeting Mr. Money was truthfully unwanted, especially if you have previously encountered Miss Tears. But I think the most unwelcome meeting of all was with Dr. Nurse. Well, despite his gentle face and equally gentle voice, I still didn’t want to converse with him. But being in the hotel entails everyone to meet with Dr. Nurse. This noted doctor will tell you where you go next.
It’s not that Dr. Nurse was some know-it-all geek, but if you get to stay in that hotel, he was the only person to ask of possible destinations in their, uh, town. He let me sign some papers, those stamped with bold letters E-X-P-I-R-E-D. I said, what is this? He said, it’s for your father, and that’s his certificate of residence. I wanted to ask again, but I cannot focus on him anymore because Miss Tears’ product began to do its effect on me. Why didn’t I have a good feeling of that certificate? Dr. Nurse said, are you ok? But I was already speechless, because at that time, my tears have already streamed down my cheeks unceasingly.
I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. My tears flooded Dr. Nurse’s office, and I began to sink. “Help!” I yelled, and was gurgling salty tears. Someone then pulled me out from that depth, and I thought it was Dr. Nurse. I was wrong. I was coughing, gasping and freezing when I was finally on my rescuer’s boat.
Boat?! I surprisingly looked around me, and indeed, I was on a bigger boat. I looked at the other side and my whole family was also there, wet in the flood of tears, just like me.
You were drowning, said my rescuer. I turned my head to the source of that female voice. I can’t see her face, but her voice calmed me a bit. She touched me and said, here, you eat, you must be hungry from drowning. I took the soup she offered, and truly, I was hungry.
When I felt a little better, I asked her what happened. She said the whole town got flooded. I asked why. She explained that it’s a normal scenario in their place because they’re located in the “Tear Belt” part of the globe. She added that Miss Tears’ products usually cause these floods. But since everyone seems to forget in time, they get to patronize her products again, especially those offered for free. So I asked her if it was then a crime I committed. She said, no, no, because even if Miss Tears always causes the floods, they always turn out healthy for her customers. So, my rescuer continued, that’s the reason they never could ban Miss Tears away. I didn’t understand that, I told her. I mean, how can anyone be made healthy if he almost died drowning in such a flood? My rescuer just knowingly smiled at my question. I wanted to demand her answer, but I suddenly realized I didn’t have the right because we weren’t even introduced.
Oh, I’m sorry, I said, I have forgotten your kindness and didn’t even bother to ask your name. My name is Loved One, I began, extending my right hand. What’s yours?, I asked. Oh, she chuckled. “It’s ok, introductions are not really important here. But I’m Comfort Kin-Friend. Some call me Comfort, others Kin, others Friend, but I’m one and the same!” She chuckled again. Somehow, her gentle laughter made me laugh along. It felt good to be with her, I thought. So what shall I call you then, I asked. When she just shrugged, I said, hmm, alright, I’ll call you Miss Faceless Comfort!
She chuckled again, louder this time, and said, so, you finally noticed. Yeah, I said. Why don’t you have a face, I managed to let out my earlier curiosity when we had the introductions earlier. Well, she said, let’s just say God took it away so I can function best this way.
You’re confusing me, I said. You don’t have a face, so how do you manage to “function”?, I asked. Well, she turned her face up as she sighed before answering me: I’ve been living in this town all my life, and I’m accustomed to voices of pleas every so often. In fact, the reason I caught you was because I heard you, and felt you.
Oh!, was all I could say.
I got silent for a while, pondering on the fantasy of our situation, and looked about me again. Miss Faceless comfort just let me be, and I liked that. I wanted to go to each of my family member, but they seem to be engrossed in their own sacred thoughts too. I was too fearful to break that, so I stayed where I was.
Uh, where are we going? I asked eventually. Then she pointed me at another lodging place in a distance. You need to stay there for a few days to make your preparations. Preparations?, I asked with evident surprise. This place and its residents are all weird, I concluded (AND surprising, I added in a haste.).
“For your father’s departure”, she said. He’s leaving? Why, I didn’t know that! I looked at her with both disbelief and horror on my face. Well, she said, I saw his certificate from his belongings. And the certificate said he needed to go to another place, she added.
I then remembered Dr. Nurse’s certificate which I signed. What place is that? (I now know why my voice trembled then when I asked that.) Well, she answered, his papers said he needed to be in the next town called Expired. And we needed to check him into this hotel we’re arriving at in a few minutes, so that he’d be ready enough to make the ride. And you know what that trip is called? I would never have believed it, but yeah, it’s called Cemetery Ride. She patiently explained it’s the only vehicle to get to that next town.
I was speechless and I shook my head as I listened to her. My father? Leaving us?
Then without another word, I ran to my father and hugged him so close to me. I didn’t care to notice that the boat also shook at my sudden movement. I cried so hard as I looked up to him. He was gently stroking my long hair as I asked him, Father, are you leaving us? He didn’t answer me, but he gave me his looks that no words have been fit right enough to describe. I think there were tears beginning to form on his eyes. Oh Father! I wept, is this really bound to happen? Have you always known this trip to come this way, all this time, without our knowledge? But he just looked at me with his probing but sad eyes.
Please answer me, I pleaded to him, but he just closed his eyes, and held my hand. He pressed it, or perhaps it was I who pressed it. I hugged him again, and held him tightly, not wanting to let him go.
Welcome to Funeral Hotel! I heard someone say, and felt another set of strong arms pulling me away from my father. “No!” I screamed and struggled my way out of the hands that held me, “No! Please!!! Father, no!!! Don’t go!”
But my father willingly stepped out, and followed the hotel’s attendants. My tears were unstoppable now, threatening another deluge of salty waters, but I said to myself, let us all drown, for all I care!
(How do you actually put into words the sound of gushing tears, and loud groans and pleas, and a face not even paints and brushes can put into a canvass out of incessant crying?)
The new hotel was actually a floating hotel, I discovered – the very first one I ever witnessed in all my life! That’s why it didn’t sink in the constant flooding of our tears. As it turned out, I was even able to sleep in one of its rooms. But all the time I was there, I just added more and more water into the flood.
Finally, the dreaded day came, when my father was all packed and ready to go. I was among those who stood there with him on that bus stop. Oh, what an unpleasant place it was – a grassy stretch of flat, as if no one really cared to make a regular visit. It seems to be a really dreaded place, I thought, and being there, I was not surprised.
Father, I whispered as I looked up to him, do you really need to go to this next town? Father? I asked again when he didn’t utter at least a sound. Father, please answer me, I pleaded to him as I hugged him tightly again.
Just then, I heard him groan, as though something had inflicted him with excruciating pain. I looked up to him with worry on my face. I searched his eyes, the same ones that looked at me while we were in the boat. But they were already closed tightly, as though holding back another groan. I held his hand, but they no longer curled to hold mine back. They still felt calloused, but cold.
Father, I was alarmed at his condition, is this trip going to make you feel better? I asked him one more time, but again, he didn’t answer and instead groaned some more.
Ohhh…, was all I could say as I wept anew, as if I held all the tears in the world, and it was all mine to dispense with luxury. “Father….” I wept again and again, covering my face with both hands, not wanting to see him go.
“The bus is here”, someone whispered to my ear. I looked up just in time to see a bearded man in white and scarlet clothing fetch my father. I observed that my father appeared to be weak because the man assisted him. On that day, my father was the only passenger.
Father, I love you! I shouted to him as he began to ascend the bus’ steps. When he got in and got settled, he looked back at me, at us, and smiled. From where I was standing, father seemed to be well already, and the one who fetched him was evidently infecting him with his lively countenance. They were talking. No, laughing!
For the life of me, I never noticed how the flood subsided. Somehow, when the bus arrived, the flood had long been gone. Father’s “new look” did something to calm down my crying, and eventually, the flood to stop.
Hi Loved One, a familiar voice behind me stroked my heart. I turned to its owner and saw my family, with the same tear-streaked faces. But they were not just crying. They were also smiling. We embraced each other. Somehow, just a look at them made me realize we sort of have some mutual knowledge of father’s destination. The way he looked at us from inside the bus confirmed that.
Miss Faceless Comfort remained with us all those hours. I have even almost forgotten her. So when it was time for us to leave the town, I made sure to meet with her. She did not say anything, not even goodbye.
Maybe this is the last time I’m gonna see you, I said. So, I’d like to say thank you, and, uh, goodbye. My voice threatened another flood as I remembered how this person stood by me and us in our brief stay in their town.
You will be surprised, she chuckled, you might see me again down the road. What I’m saying is, Goodbye is a non-existent word in my vocabulary, she jested. And I just laughed along with her.
P.S.
It was my father who brought me into such a town. Why do I always have to make it all about me? Ok! No, actually, he brought our whole family there. Normally, I would be the first one to be excitedly announcing these sorts of travels, the adventurous that I am. Yet this particular trip had been the most unwelcome so far. Incidentally, the frequent-traveler me had finally found a place not to go to.
The very first place we lodged in was called Hospital Hotel. Could you imagine that? Have you ever heard of such a hotel weirdly named as that: “Hospital”? Oh well, it kind of got me into thinking I might probably encounter a lot of weird-named people there too. I was not mistaken.
I didn’t really want to stay in that hotel, but somehow, I stayed because the whole family was there. Why would I be an exemption? My father, in particular, needed to lodge there. So there we stayed. In two days’ time we packed up, because we needed to move to our new location. Well, I really wasn’t a bit interested to tour around the place, so leaving there was something like consolation. However, I did meet a few worth-mentioning people.
I met a vendor there named Miss Tears. I said, why? She said, well, I’m selling tears. I said, who would ever buy them? Well, she said, practically everyone who leaves this hotel. Sometimes, she added, she doesn’t really sell them at all, she just gives them for free. “Here, I’ll give you one bite-size,” she offered. I said, no thanks. When she insisted, and said I would need much of it in their town, for protection (she said it in a whisper), I took her offer. But when I ate it, ewww! It was the saltiest delicacy I have ever eaten! If I was not brought up in politeness, I would have vomited it out in front of her. Well, actually, turned out Miss Tears was being prophetic.
Eventually, I came to learn that what Miss Tears gave me was the kind that pierces your heart and drain it with blood. If I only knew, I wouldn’t have eaten it! Until now, these tears have become my tag-along companion.
I also met Mr. Money there. Oh! He was the most insensitive man alive! I mean that honestly! I guess he never senses anybody’s emotions as long as you get to pay your lodging fee. Yes, he was taking charge of the hotel. Mr. Money’s bushy mustache and stocky belly had been intimidating to me. He was talking a lot while counting the bills I handed him, but none of his words ever reached me. I’m not sure if he realized it though.
Meeting Mr. Money was truthfully unwanted, especially if you have previously encountered Miss Tears. But I think the most unwelcome meeting of all was with Dr. Nurse. Well, despite his gentle face and equally gentle voice, I still didn’t want to converse with him. But being in the hotel entails everyone to meet with Dr. Nurse. This noted doctor will tell you where you go next.
It’s not that Dr. Nurse was some know-it-all geek, but if you get to stay in that hotel, he was the only person to ask of possible destinations in their, uh, town. He let me sign some papers, those stamped with bold letters E-X-P-I-R-E-D. I said, what is this? He said, it’s for your father, and that’s his certificate of residence. I wanted to ask again, but I cannot focus on him anymore because Miss Tears’ product began to do its effect on me. Why didn’t I have a good feeling of that certificate? Dr. Nurse said, are you ok? But I was already speechless, because at that time, my tears have already streamed down my cheeks unceasingly.
I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. My tears flooded Dr. Nurse’s office, and I began to sink. “Help!” I yelled, and was gurgling salty tears. Someone then pulled me out from that depth, and I thought it was Dr. Nurse. I was wrong. I was coughing, gasping and freezing when I was finally on my rescuer’s boat.
Boat?! I surprisingly looked around me, and indeed, I was on a bigger boat. I looked at the other side and my whole family was also there, wet in the flood of tears, just like me.
You were drowning, said my rescuer. I turned my head to the source of that female voice. I can’t see her face, but her voice calmed me a bit. She touched me and said, here, you eat, you must be hungry from drowning. I took the soup she offered, and truly, I was hungry.
When I felt a little better, I asked her what happened. She said the whole town got flooded. I asked why. She explained that it’s a normal scenario in their place because they’re located in the “Tear Belt” part of the globe. She added that Miss Tears’ products usually cause these floods. But since everyone seems to forget in time, they get to patronize her products again, especially those offered for free. So I asked her if it was then a crime I committed. She said, no, no, because even if Miss Tears always causes the floods, they always turn out healthy for her customers. So, my rescuer continued, that’s the reason they never could ban Miss Tears away. I didn’t understand that, I told her. I mean, how can anyone be made healthy if he almost died drowning in such a flood? My rescuer just knowingly smiled at my question. I wanted to demand her answer, but I suddenly realized I didn’t have the right because we weren’t even introduced.
Oh, I’m sorry, I said, I have forgotten your kindness and didn’t even bother to ask your name. My name is Loved One, I began, extending my right hand. What’s yours?, I asked. Oh, she chuckled. “It’s ok, introductions are not really important here. But I’m Comfort Kin-Friend. Some call me Comfort, others Kin, others Friend, but I’m one and the same!” She chuckled again. Somehow, her gentle laughter made me laugh along. It felt good to be with her, I thought. So what shall I call you then, I asked. When she just shrugged, I said, hmm, alright, I’ll call you Miss Faceless Comfort!
She chuckled again, louder this time, and said, so, you finally noticed. Yeah, I said. Why don’t you have a face, I managed to let out my earlier curiosity when we had the introductions earlier. Well, she said, let’s just say God took it away so I can function best this way.
You’re confusing me, I said. You don’t have a face, so how do you manage to “function”?, I asked. Well, she turned her face up as she sighed before answering me: I’ve been living in this town all my life, and I’m accustomed to voices of pleas every so often. In fact, the reason I caught you was because I heard you, and felt you.
Oh!, was all I could say.
I got silent for a while, pondering on the fantasy of our situation, and looked about me again. Miss Faceless comfort just let me be, and I liked that. I wanted to go to each of my family member, but they seem to be engrossed in their own sacred thoughts too. I was too fearful to break that, so I stayed where I was.
Uh, where are we going? I asked eventually. Then she pointed me at another lodging place in a distance. You need to stay there for a few days to make your preparations. Preparations?, I asked with evident surprise. This place and its residents are all weird, I concluded (AND surprising, I added in a haste.).
“For your father’s departure”, she said. He’s leaving? Why, I didn’t know that! I looked at her with both disbelief and horror on my face. Well, she said, I saw his certificate from his belongings. And the certificate said he needed to go to another place, she added.
I then remembered Dr. Nurse’s certificate which I signed. What place is that? (I now know why my voice trembled then when I asked that.) Well, she answered, his papers said he needed to be in the next town called Expired. And we needed to check him into this hotel we’re arriving at in a few minutes, so that he’d be ready enough to make the ride. And you know what that trip is called? I would never have believed it, but yeah, it’s called Cemetery Ride. She patiently explained it’s the only vehicle to get to that next town.
I was speechless and I shook my head as I listened to her. My father? Leaving us?
Then without another word, I ran to my father and hugged him so close to me. I didn’t care to notice that the boat also shook at my sudden movement. I cried so hard as I looked up to him. He was gently stroking my long hair as I asked him, Father, are you leaving us? He didn’t answer me, but he gave me his looks that no words have been fit right enough to describe. I think there were tears beginning to form on his eyes. Oh Father! I wept, is this really bound to happen? Have you always known this trip to come this way, all this time, without our knowledge? But he just looked at me with his probing but sad eyes.
Please answer me, I pleaded to him, but he just closed his eyes, and held my hand. He pressed it, or perhaps it was I who pressed it. I hugged him again, and held him tightly, not wanting to let him go.
Welcome to Funeral Hotel! I heard someone say, and felt another set of strong arms pulling me away from my father. “No!” I screamed and struggled my way out of the hands that held me, “No! Please!!! Father, no!!! Don’t go!”
But my father willingly stepped out, and followed the hotel’s attendants. My tears were unstoppable now, threatening another deluge of salty waters, but I said to myself, let us all drown, for all I care!
(How do you actually put into words the sound of gushing tears, and loud groans and pleas, and a face not even paints and brushes can put into a canvass out of incessant crying?)
The new hotel was actually a floating hotel, I discovered – the very first one I ever witnessed in all my life! That’s why it didn’t sink in the constant flooding of our tears. As it turned out, I was even able to sleep in one of its rooms. But all the time I was there, I just added more and more water into the flood.
Finally, the dreaded day came, when my father was all packed and ready to go. I was among those who stood there with him on that bus stop. Oh, what an unpleasant place it was – a grassy stretch of flat, as if no one really cared to make a regular visit. It seems to be a really dreaded place, I thought, and being there, I was not surprised.
Father, I whispered as I looked up to him, do you really need to go to this next town? Father? I asked again when he didn’t utter at least a sound. Father, please answer me, I pleaded to him as I hugged him tightly again.
Just then, I heard him groan, as though something had inflicted him with excruciating pain. I looked up to him with worry on my face. I searched his eyes, the same ones that looked at me while we were in the boat. But they were already closed tightly, as though holding back another groan. I held his hand, but they no longer curled to hold mine back. They still felt calloused, but cold.
Father, I was alarmed at his condition, is this trip going to make you feel better? I asked him one more time, but again, he didn’t answer and instead groaned some more.
Ohhh…, was all I could say as I wept anew, as if I held all the tears in the world, and it was all mine to dispense with luxury. “Father….” I wept again and again, covering my face with both hands, not wanting to see him go.
“The bus is here”, someone whispered to my ear. I looked up just in time to see a bearded man in white and scarlet clothing fetch my father. I observed that my father appeared to be weak because the man assisted him. On that day, my father was the only passenger.
Father, I love you! I shouted to him as he began to ascend the bus’ steps. When he got in and got settled, he looked back at me, at us, and smiled. From where I was standing, father seemed to be well already, and the one who fetched him was evidently infecting him with his lively countenance. They were talking. No, laughing!
For the life of me, I never noticed how the flood subsided. Somehow, when the bus arrived, the flood had long been gone. Father’s “new look” did something to calm down my crying, and eventually, the flood to stop.
Hi Loved One, a familiar voice behind me stroked my heart. I turned to its owner and saw my family, with the same tear-streaked faces. But they were not just crying. They were also smiling. We embraced each other. Somehow, just a look at them made me realize we sort of have some mutual knowledge of father’s destination. The way he looked at us from inside the bus confirmed that.
Miss Faceless Comfort remained with us all those hours. I have even almost forgotten her. So when it was time for us to leave the town, I made sure to meet with her. She did not say anything, not even goodbye.
Maybe this is the last time I’m gonna see you, I said. So, I’d like to say thank you, and, uh, goodbye. My voice threatened another flood as I remembered how this person stood by me and us in our brief stay in their town.
You will be surprised, she chuckled, you might see me again down the road. What I’m saying is, Goodbye is a non-existent word in my vocabulary, she jested. And I just laughed along with her.
P.S.
It’s been weeks of driving since we’ve left that dismal hotel, but so far, we’re still in the town’s vicinity. I never thought the road back home would be this long and winding. Whew! We still haven’t arrived home. Every so often, we make our night stops in any lodging place we can find. When we do so, just like tonight, I treat myself with my pen and paper. Why do I have the feeling I might end up finally residing in this unpleasant town? (Oh, I hope not!) Also, when we get to make a wrong turn, somehow, Miss Faceless Comfort, or one of her relatives, just appears and point us to the right road. Yeah, I realized, there are really no goodbyes with her. Hmm, now, that’s something to be thankful for!
Oh, I’m so tired of writing, and tired of this traveling. But I keep my faith. I have to. I choose to.
=)
/ 14March2011
Oh, I’m so tired of writing, and tired of this traveling. But I keep my faith. I have to. I choose to.
=)
/ 14March2011
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