Where is God’s love in the death of my father?

When I pleaded and bargained before Him for the recovery of Tatay in the ICU, where is God’s love in that un-granted plea?

When I asked him why He took Tatay at such a surprising time, where is God’s love in His silence?

When I asked Him to at least confirm to me the truth of the resurrection, where is God’s love in His pursed lips?

Yet somehow, in the turn of events, and in the voice of the biblical heroes of faith, I am compelled to believe and declare that God’s love is weaved in through these moments;

That when I feel extremely unheeded, some droplets of answers are slowly filling my heart, although unnoticeable at first.

There are no answers, at least in the way I want them to; but these heroes of faith declare trust, NOT answers.

They pleaded too. They cried too. They bargained too.

But in the end, they yielded to the utter helplessness of reason before the ever-wise God.

It was not that their pleas were un-granted.

It was not that their cries were unheeded,

Not even when their bargains were unattended to.

It was in the sheer truth that when God declares Himself as who HE IS, every mouth will be silenced, every knee bent, every hand raised, and every body bowed.

God’s love is in every loss, every tear, every plea, because God’s love is all that, and more, when His Son died on the cross.

When I wanted reasons, He let Jesus spoke.

When I wanted answers, He, again, let Jesus spoke.

When I wanted confirmations, He, still, let Jesus spoke.

Why? Because God’s love is in Christ Jesus on the cross.

So I come on bended knees, and up-raised hands, and grieving heart.

Reasons are not what I need.

Answers are not what I need.

Confirmations are not what I need.

What I needed is the bed-rock assurance that even in my pains and tears, I would know that His love is unchanged.

And I look to Jesus.

And I know for sure.




/29March2011

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