At Jesus’ Feet with Laura Story


I just watched this devotional video of Laura Story, one of the gifted and anointed Christian songwriters I know.  If the name doesn’t ring a bell, perhaps her moving song “Blessings” would.

At a moment in my life when my heart is aching for a loss, many times I’ve opened the cupboards of my heart and asked where I have gone wrong.  I saw the guilt of my own sin.  That guilt piled up on the fear and lack of courage to exercise faith on what should have been a beautiful thing.  I turned against myself and implemented my own punishment, that never again will I taste such beauty of love, because I will never deserve it.

Then Laura Story shared about that blind man from birth, whom the disciples asked Jesus about: Who sinned which resulted to the man’s blindness, himself or his parents?  The sad part is that the disciples’ question is the humanity’s questions, that in every tragic event, someone should be held responsible.  But Jesus turned their question around and said instead, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. (John 9:1-3)”

Laura then threw the question that I knew had to nag me: Could it be possible that God be glorified in this heartache that I’m having?  Could it be possible that my loss speaks of God’s goodness and love instead?  Or if I may use the line from her song, “what if the aching of this life are His mercies in disguise?”

I had wanted for God to seal off my heart in an instant so that I wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. I had wanted for Him to just make me forget, so that I could exist like nothing happened.  I had wanted for Him to take away the ache, so that I could smile again.  But no.  God just doesn’t operate in ways I impose on Him.  Rather, He wants me to abide in His ways. 

If aching for my loss would mean for me to long for His fulfilling love, then may I not rest yet until I’m satisfied of Him.  If my lonely nights would mean there’s now more time for me to spend it with Him, then may I have more time to meditate on His Word.  And if this sense of emptiness exposes the incompleteness that the world can offer, then may I always embrace every sense of longing. 

I’ve noticed that Jesus doesn’t usually give direct answers.  Instead, He directs the answers to Himself so that somehow His disciples might come to understand that what’s most important in life is not the answer, but the beauty of a loving fellowship with Him as we trust Him despite the no-answers. 

"Oh Lord, may Your grace be made more evident in me as I choose instead to trust You today."

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